photo description: A woman’s face (Joy!) is morphed with a man’s beard and hairline (Ben!). If you cannot visually see this photo, consider yourself fortunate, as it is fairly disturbing!
I was reminded of Benjamina last night when a cable salesman came to our door. Fortunately, we now use Netflix and don’t even have to deal with Giant Cable Company any longer, but friends still teasingly call me Benjamina from time to time, especially when there is trickery involved. Please enjoy the legendary tale of Benjamina..]
45 minutes on hold.
5th phone attempt this week.
Just want to downgrade my cable.
Please, Giant Cable Company, hire just one more person. I’ll forgive you for routing the call to India. Please, just someone pick up the phone. I hate taking the phone into the bathroom with me. Please just pick up. Continue reading
June was a month filled with travel for me. As I maneuvered my way around bustling airports and unfamiliar hotels, my marshmallow-tipped white cane leading the way, I encountered the joys and challenges of blind travel. While the majority of the public are respectful and kind, there are some rare “gems” that inspired me to write another round of thank you notes.
Dedicated to my Daring sisters who met me in Salt Lake City in early June and know how to find the humor in blind travel.
Thank you public restrooms, for having such a variety of flushing mechanisms, causing me to fumble around in a small area where the dirtiest of germs are lurking on every possible surface. I am especially grateful for the toilets that flush before I have even finished doing my business.
On the Go Joe
Thank you stranger on my left, for keeping pace with me as I walk to baggage claim. Yes, YOU, the one who thinks that I cannot see you slowing down when I slow down, and speeding up when I speed up. Thank you for being my silent companion, ensuring that I get safely to my destination.
Peeping Back at You Tom
Dearest Airport Security, Words can hardly express how thankful I am for your awkward gestures, vague instructions, and patronizing tone. I may not have graduated from the same Ivy League college as you, so I am grateful that you talk to me as if I am 5 years old. The way you instantly turn on your baby voice and say “good girl, good girl” as I walk through the screening process makes me wonder if you are about to tickle my chin. But instead, you swipe my palms and send me on my way with a look that assures me of your pity.
Lady GooGoo Gaga
There’s something deeply satisfying about completing a stack of thank you notes. So I can’t help but continue to write more. Hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them!
Thank you mannequins, uh, I mean, excuse me. I mean, I’m sorry I bumped you. Wait. You’re not a real person?
Lady Who Was Not Just Talking to an Inanimate Object Continue reading
My friends have always played an important part in my journey through life. In college, time with girlfriends often involved dressing up in black pants paired with a flirty top to explore Seattle’s night life. Over the years it evolved into meeting up for martinis after work, and flying to Vegas for bachelorette parties. These days, we often opt for yoga pants and a bottle of wine in someone’s quiet, childless living room while pretending to discuss a book that no one actually finished reading. And I picture my future self with these same “girls”, sharing photos of grandkids while drinking tea following a 4 o’clock supper date. Continue reading
If there’s one thing our mom taught us, it’s to write thank you notes. When we were kids, we absolutely could NOT play with our new toys until those thank you notes were sealed and dropped into the mailbox. So when late night show host Jimmy Fallon started writing satirical thank you notes in front of a live audience, we knew our mother would applaud. Then we read author and blogger, Jen Hatmaker’s mommy thank you notes, and we developed a conspiracy theory that our mother was somehow behind this thank you writing trend.
That got us thinking…has anyone written thank you notes from blind people? We haven’t seen any. But if we missed it, please let us know, and we will start working on our apology notes immediately.
Thank you dishwasher, for always being wide open when I’m plowing through the kitchen. I love how you announce your presence by pushing abruptly into my shins.
Bruised Blind Lady Continue reading
BAM! If there’s one thing Joy and I LOVE to do, it’s LAUGH. Sometimes we need reminders not to take ourselves too seriously, and that’s why we love this post by Lori Linna!
Wow, what an honor it is to be invited to post here in Doublevisionblog. My name is Lori Linna, I live in Wisconsin with my husband, two children and a crazy dog. The following is very similar to a post I did elsewhere and was asked to share it in honor of Blindness Awareness Month. For the record, I have RP as well as a hearing loss.
Stand-up comedian Jeff Foxworthy is known for his redneck jokes. One of my favorites goes something like this, “If your lawn furniture is also your living room furniture, you might be a redneck. “
It occurred to me a similar comedy routine could be used for those of us who have poor eyesight. While being blind is not funny, some of the situations we find ourselves in are easier to tolerate if we can find some humor in them. For the purpose of today’s post, I will use the term ‘low vision’ in place of the word redneck.
Envision yours truly holding a white cane and wearing dark sunglasses while standing up on a small stage with a microphone. I may or may not be facing the audience but that’s fine, just play along, okay? Continue reading
In honor of White Cane Day I revised “White Cane in Hand,” written here as a poem. It’s actually in the beginning stages of being made into a children’s book with illustrations and all! For my original parody with photographs, please see White Cane in Hand. Continue reading
Some time has passed since Joy and I shared our embarrassing moments in which we’ve learned to laugh at ourselves.
But something happened recently that really forced me to laugh at myself, after I was done cringing. Continue reading
The following is a parody of my favorite Dr. Seuss book, describing my hesitancy to use my cane, before trying it but then my relieved delight when I realize it’s actually pretty helpful to have around!
I do not like white cane in hand. I do not like it, Joy I am!
Would you use it at a park?
Could you use it in the dark?
I could not, would not at a park.
I could not, would not, in the dark. I do not like white cane in hand. I do not like it, Joy I am!
My aunt Maureen has a quality that I absolutely envy. Actually, the word envy might not be quite accurate. I would probably agree to give up a few small body parts in exchange for this ability…..not any major part, but probably a pinky or maybe a baby toe. Continue reading