In honor of White Cane Day I revised “White Cane in Hand,” written here as a poem. It’s actually in the beginning stages of being made into a children’s book with illustrations and all! For my original parody with photographs, please see White Cane in Hand. Continue reading “Happy White Cane Day!”
Category: Humor
The Goat Birds
Some time has passed since Joy and I shared our embarrassing moments in which we’ve learned to laugh at ourselves.
But something happened recently that really forced me to laugh at myself, after I was done cringing. Continue reading “The Goat Birds”
White Cane in Hand (a parody of Green Eggs and Ham)
The following is a parody of my favorite Dr. Seuss book, describing my hesitancy to use my cane, before trying it but then my relieved delight when I realize it’s actually pretty helpful to have around!
I do not like white cane in hand. I do not like it, Joy I am!
Would you use it at a park?
Could you use it in the dark?
I could not, would not at a park.
I could not, would not, in the dark. I do not like white cane in hand. I do not like it, Joy I am!
Continue reading “White Cane in Hand (a parody of Green Eggs and Ham)”
Peripheral Hearing
My aunt Maureen has a quality that I absolutely envy. Actually, the word envy might not be quite accurate. I would probably agree to give up a few small body parts in exchange for this ability…..not any major part, but probably a pinky or maybe a baby toe. Continue reading “Peripheral Hearing”
What it’s Like Being an Identical Twin: The Good, the Bad and the RP
Growing up, we were the best of friends.
Joy: Except for that time, in utero, when she sat on my head for nine months, and then made me wait four laborious minutes while she made her grand entrance into the world.
Jenelle: Or that time when we were 18 months old and she sunk her teeth into my arm after I stole her stuffed bunny.
Joy: Or that time when we were eight, and she poured a glass of milk over my head at the dinner table.
Jenelle: Or that time when we were nine, and she signed my dad’s Father’s Day card, “Love, Joy. p.s. not stinky Jenelle.”
Joy: Or all those times as teenagers when she chased me around the house trying to whip me with a wet bath towel, while I ran away, chanting “Violent lady! Violent lady!” Continue reading “What it’s Like Being an Identical Twin: The Good, the Bad and the RP”
Fringe Benefits of Blindness
According to many surveys, going blind is something people fear most, right behind cancer. I’ve written plenty of posts related to fear and grief and challenges. But I’ve seldom touched on all the fringe benefits of blindness.
Some readers may think I’m joking, but honestly there are parts of my life that have turned out to be pretty great because of low vision. So I put together these top 10 reasons blind people lead the best lives: Continue reading “Fringe Benefits of Blindness”
Sometimes I Like Cold Weather
I once tried to use the word “coldth” in a Creative Writing class in high school. My teacher crossed it out in large, red letters and wrote “Not a word!”, which annoyed me because, duh, I know it’s not a real word, but I was trying to be “creative” and make up a new word that would describe a cold feeling that is actually comforting. Obviously, I failed. So here’s another attempt:
Living just outside Chicago, everyone dreads our icy winters. Being that I walk everywhere, I don’t exactly look forward to spending 20 minutes bundling up the kids and myself and then maneuvering the stroller around snowbanks, slush puddles and irresponsible neighbors’ un-shoveled driveways (okay, fine, it’s usually our snowy driveway!)
But even with the dread of a cold, long winter ahead, I must admit that I felt a little giddy the first time the temperatures dipped down in the 30s in November. While I loved our frequent trips to the park this warm December and first week of January, I feel a nervous excitement over the recent falling temps. Some of you will stop reading now because you are so irritated that I would even hint at appreciating freezing weather. But I just have to say it.
Sometimes cold temperatures bring warmth to a home in the same way that hard times bring families together.
It’s an excuse to crank up the heat, light a fire, drink hot tea, snuggle closer…
It takes a good freeze to kill the pests, such as ants, and for some reason my house always seems cleaner in the winter when there’s no moisture or humidity in the air. And even thought I know people tend to get sicker in the winter, a good freeze seems to kill some of the germs floating around, which could be the reason influenza and stomach bugs have been rampant this winter in the Midwest, according to many healthcare professionals. And I truly have enjoyed bopping around town without a coat nor icy sidewalks these past couple months. But it’s time to freeze off a few germs.
It’s also time for some brisk walks– the kind that wake us out of our sluggish, January slumber. “Blue Monday” is coming up on the 21st. Apparently, psychologists have come up with a formula based on the amount of days after Christmas, the weather, the amount of sun, etc. that designates the 21st as the most depressing day of 2013 for people. So, knowing that I have the potential to be at my lowest on this day, I know that fresh air and exercise are remedies for me.
And there’s really nothing like frosty air to cool me off when I am heated up over something. Like yesterday, when everything seemed to be going wring, leading to a frustrating climax in which I encountered a difficult phone representative while trying to file an insurance claim. The conversation left me with hot, angry tears by the end of it, and since it was time to pick my youngest up from preschool a few blocks away, I had to wipe my tears away and pull myself together. It had been such a draining day in general that I really worried I wouldn’t be able to get out of my angry, sad funk. But as soon as my feet met cold pavement and my lungs inhaled arctic air, I felt my insides relax. The air cooled the heat of my anger, and I felt refreshed, heavy coat, mittens and all. A spring, summer or autumn day could not have revived me the way this winter one did. While I’m glad it’s not winter all the time, I welcome it for now.
Spooky Red Eyes
As the days get shorter and Halloween creeps up, I’m reminded of how much I despise night blindness. I shared some stories about night blindness in an earlier post, When Darkness Comes. But today I’m not in the mood for an in-depth emotional analysis of how night blindness affects my life. Today I want to amuse myself (and hopefully others) with a strange result of a faulty retina – spooky red eyes in photographs. I’m easy to spot in the below picture – just look for the wild red eyes!
I’ve often wondered why my eyes are almost always red in pictures using a flash. Even when other people in the picture have normal-colored eyes, mine are red. When others’ eyes look red, mine look crazy red. I’ve always thought that it must have something to do with my night blindness, but wasn’t entirely sure how it’s all connected. Curiosity led me online to learn what the experts are saying about this red-eye effect and photography.com sums it up nicely, “Red eye will appear in pictures if the camera’s flash hits eye’s retina or if the subject’s iris doesn’t have enough time to sufficiently contract. While this phenomenon can be irritating to photographers, ophthalmologists use it regularly to conduct eye exams, specifically centered on the retina.” Wikipedia gives a more thorough explanation of the red-eye effect in case you’re interested.
Thanks to photo editing software, the red-eye effect doesn’t actually ruin my favorite pictures. But it’s not like people take the time to edit the red-eye out of pics before posting on Facebook or printing off copies for friends, so I do feel a little self-conscious when I see my spooky red eyes in photos. As you can see in the below pictures, my two sisters on the right that don’t have RP do not have red eyes, but on the left, Joy and I look a bit demon-possessed. Rest assured, we are not possessed.
If technology doesn’t bring us a cure for RP, I hope it can at least develop better amateur flash photography methods.
First to the Bus Stop
So last week my daughter was the first one to the bus stop. I knew we were running ahead of schedule (a rare novelty), but I still wondered if maybe school had been cancelled (or was it Saturday?) as my kindergarterner, toddler and I stood by ourselves at the bus stop. No seriously– where was everyone?
Worry turned to amusement as a 3rd-grade-boy approached the bus stop and said “Good job being first, Lucy!” My 5-and-a-half-year-old could barely contain her excitement at being first as she pranced around the bus stop. And honestly, for a little girl who must be coaxed out of bed every morning and dresses herself in slow motion, I myself felt like prancing around in celebration of her feat.
Soon, the rest of the herd arrived and the 3rd-grade-boy began telling each kid where to stand in line (just because Lucy was first to the bus stop did not mean she’d be first on the bus– the 3rd-grader had organized a system to allow each kid a turn to get on the bus first…he’s quite the organizer).
As we heard the squeaky groaning of our giant yellow friend rounding the corner, 3rd-grade-bus-stop-organizer asks, “Lucy, where is your backpack?” Oh gosh. Panic “Mom– it’s by the back door!” Lucy yells. Without missing a beat, I turn to the other moms and say, “I’m running for it!”
I begin sprinting toward the house (take note, VIPs reading this are WINCING because they just KNOW that an injury is about to be had, for rushing + low vision almost always equals an accident). Lucy’s princess bike lay in front of the door inside the garage leading to the house, and even as I trip over it, the pain in my ankle does not fully register because the backpack mission is still underway.
I then hear shouting from the bus stop as I open the door to the house. I hear Lucy yell something that sounds like “I found it!” I feel quickly around the front door, try to scan around the room to see if the backpack is there, and then decide that she must have, indeed, found it since I don’t see it anywhere.
I race back to the corner. All the kids are on the bus waiting, and Lucy is standing there staring at me, asking for the backpack. Apparently she had yelled “hurry”, not “I found it” (yes, I know– those two phrases sound nothing alike….)
Lucy starts to walk back toward the house, unaware that she is about to make 30-40 children late for school, so I turn her back around and tell her it’s too late and that she needs to get on the bus without the backpack. She hangs her head and looks like she is going to cry. I try to think of something–anything–to say that will make her get on the bus. “I’ll drop your backpack off at school!” I blurt out, despite the fact that I had no idea how I would actually get to her school. She slumps onto the bus, and I slump home with Elli, limping on my swollen ankle (this was a week ago, and I STILL have a giant bruise from it!)
Of course, when I walked back into the house, the backpack was sitting right by the garage door, in plain view, taunting me “I-was-right-here-all-along!”
Fortunately, I ended up getting a ride to deliver the backpack from my good friend who took pity on my description of poor Lucy slinking onto the bus. But the stress of the morning– silly as it sounds now– stuck with me throughout the day. Why didn’t I notice that she wasn’t carrying her backpack? I was tempted to get all upset about how RP loves to wreak havoc on my day but then remembered a conversation I had recently with a friend and loyal blog reader.
After reading my last post “Good Grief/Dear RP“, she told me how there were a number of things in my “hate letter” to RP that she finds herself doing, unrelated to vision, and pointed out that some of the incidents I end up feeling embarrassed about are things fully-sighted people do too.
As Jenelle and I talked about this conversation later, she said “Yeah, I have had friends not see props at yoga class or need me to point things out to them that I would have been too self-conscious to ask about, thinking it was because of my vision. I think sometimes we give RP too much….something”. Yes, too much credit or blame. Sure, it does result in a number of accidents that are clearly vision-related. But some mistakes, mishaps and embarrassing incidents are just from being human, and if we are constantly embarrassed, thinking that every little thing that goes wrong is due to RP, I imagine that we could become pretty darn paranoid, not to mention a complete drag to be around.
There are, of course, certain precautions that we VIPs should take. Like using mobility training or asking for assistance. And, clearly, slowing down (but again, this is a lesson that non-VIPs sometimes need to learn as well).
A VIP-friend of mine just told me about how she was rushing the other day and knocked a glass off the counter, cutting her hand in the process. She said that she cried because she was mad at RP and really hates the idea of it slowing her down. I remember telling her that I sometimes feel thankful when it slows me down– when I’m stuck without a ride and have to miss something and stay home instead– it sometimes keeps me sane…. the slowing….. It also allows me to be more aware of my surroundings and to fall in love with the small joys in my day. It reminds me of a line that keeps repeating in a new favorite book I’m reading: “Life is not an emergency.” Truly, it is not, but I often act like it is when I panic over forgotten backpacks.
VIPs and non-VIPs alike– be gentle on yourself today– you’re allowed to make mistakes once in awhile, and to slow down your pace and pay attention to the subtle joys.
Good Catch
I recently saw a completely true and hilarious phrase about RP on facebook (Thanks to Roberta on the “Usher Me In” FB page, who saw it on another RP page!) It said that RP is “being able to see a pencil on the floor across the room but tripping over an elephant on the way to pick it up.” (honestly, if whoever originally said that is reading this, give yourself credit here because you nailed it!)
People are sometimes bewildered by the things I can– and can’t– see. I remember a friend once looking for her car keys for an hour, and I ended up finding them within 5 minutes of looking! On the other hand, I once thought a picture hook on the wall was a giant spider, and my dad looked completely frightened when I mentioned it– not for fear from the “bug” but because he realized how bad my vision must be. I know we’ve written several posts about embarrassing incidents, which are easy to recall because they’re so numerous, but I was reminded today that there are those times I see things– and that’s something worth celebrating once in awhile. While walking my toddler back from the park today, I happened to glance up and see a woman walking by with her golden retriever. I kept walking, but then on a whim glanced back across the street behind me and realized that she was also pulling a wagon and possibly waving at me. I then realized that it was someone I had met in our neighborhood a couple times. I immediately remembered her and her little boy’s name and yelled “Oh hi, sorry– I didn’t recognize you at first! Hi Anna! Hi Devan!”She called back across the street, “That’s okay, I look different with my sunglasses on!” which was a very generous comment considering she really looked pretty much the same, and considering most people would have recognized her immediately if they had met her son and dog before, as I had. She then went on her way and I went on mine, feeling very proud that I was able to both spot her across the street and call out her name and everything. That probably seems like a silly thing to be proud of, but I know that there have been dozens of times I have walked past people I know, completely oblivious that they are even there since they’re outside of my line of vision, only to be told later that I “blew them off” or “seemed really out of it”. I once shook a friend’s hand at church during the “greeting time” (which I always dread because I never know where people’s hands are to shake!) and apparently completely ignored the person’s wife who was sitting directly next to him, only to be told about it 2 weeks later by yet another friend!
And I’m sure there have been many other times I have unknowingly ignored someone without even being told about it afterwards. (That actually used to happen a lot in college, but fortunately since my sister and I attended the same university, people just thought that it was the twin they didn’t really know who didn’t wave to them!) So the fact that today I happened to look straight in her direction at just the right moment and call across the street made me smile to myself. I felt like that friendly, PTA-type mom who knows everyone’s name in the neighborhood.
This “successful greeting” reminded me of a time in 6th grade PE when I somehow managed to catch a football (yes, you may have read my sister and I’s blogs about flying objects and how we NEVER catch or hit anything) My hands must have just been at the exact right place at the right time because the football literally landed right in them, and i actually held on to the ball. I was so ecstatic that I quickly began running to make a touchdown…. and DID…. for the other team. I hadn’t really ever paid attention to the rules or touchdown line before because I figured I would never have possession of the ball, so all I knew was that I was supposed to run. But it actually didn’t matter to me that I ran the wrong way; I remember feeling proud the entire day, as if I had scored the winning touchdown at the Super Bowl or something, because for once the ball did not fly past me or hit me.
So today I just want to celebrate the small things. I forget about the word gratitude in my daily life. I grumble in my head about my husband working weekends and feeling stuck at home. I completely forget to be thankful that he is home many mornings, gets to eat breakfast with us and help get the kids ready. I forget to be thankful for amazing friends and family who offer to drive my kids and me places. I forget to be thankful for the things that I can see– those vibrant and beautiful colors that I get frustrated about when I confuse them and am corrected by my 5-year-old “No, mommy, that’s brown, not purple!” Who cares if I mix them up?! At least I can see them!
Regardless of where your vision is at today, find a good catch in your life – something small that makes you feel proud and thankful. And smile about it.