Category: Inspiration from Others

Having a Hard Human Day? Remember the Birth Date Line

Image description: a sunset over a landscape with a complex network of reflective waterways. In the background, dark hills or rise against a gradient sky, transitioning from golden yellow to blue (Photo by Jeremy Bishop)

In recognition of Mental Health month this May, Jenelle and I helped facilitate “Stronger Together: Our Stories Matter”, a conference in Washington state for teens with sight loss and their families. One of my favorite parts of the weekend was the activities led by the Northwest Association of Blind Athletes (NWABA). I’ve always avoided Zumba workouts, so I was delighted to find that Zumba dance classes are actually fun and easy to follow with accessible instructions. I was also surprised by how sore my psoas muscles were the following day after some seemingly simple salsa combos. High knee core twist anyone?

They also led the youth in a game of bocce ball. My husband’s family is Italian, so I’m very familiar with the game and wondered how the players would aim for the small pallina ball, much less know which team’s ball was closest to it. NWABA’s modifications definitely reinforced my belief that humans are inherently ingenious when it comes to adaptations.

The game included a beeping pallina and a tactile map of where each ball was located in relation to the pallina. After each turn, an Orientation and Mobility Instructor could rearrange the tactile pieces in order to mimic the arrangement for any players who needed it. Bravo, NWABA!

One activity they led on the very first evening of the conference, however, spoke to me on a deeper level.

Our task was to arrange ourselves chronologically by birthday (not year, thankfully!) from one end of the hotel banquet room to the other. With over 50 participants plus several interpreters for our parents who were mono-lingual Spanish speakers, this was no small charge.

As we began to meander around the room, I noticed a young college student who was new to blindness standing still, so I asked if she wanted an arm. Ironically, we found that her birthday was right after mine, so by taking my left arm, she was already in the exact place she needed to be in the line. Once we arrived to our proper places, she continued to hold onto my arm and shared a bit of her story, which for confidentiality purposes will remain in the banquet room. I will say, however, that the experience of grief is a shared one, and vulnerability is a gift we give to one another.

When we were all arranged in a line, the person with the very first birthday in January said their birthday and so on until we reached December. I could sense the pride in the room as every single person was in proper birthday order. As each person named their birthday, rippling down the line like an ocean wave on a calm day, another wave came over me. I had trouble naming it at first. Wonder? Awe? Connection? The thought that all of the people in the room were affected by vision loss in some way rolled over me, causing me to hold my breath for a brief moment.

There were youth and some staff with vision loss, siblings, and parents, and everyone was there to support one another. We were all at different places in our journeys. Some had been born with sight loss. Others had recently lost theirs. Some sudden. Some expected. All connected.

As I reflect on this image, it occurs to me that there is a birthday line out there for all of us humans walking this journey we call life.

Have you been betrayed by a loved one? There is a birthday line for you. Are you struggling with regret? There is a birthday line for you. Do you suffer from waves of emotions that sometimes threaten to pull you under? Yes, you too have a birthday line.

A birthday line consists of all of the many humans on this planet who are, at this very moment, sharing in the struggle that you are in. The details of that struggle may vary , and the exact way our brains and bodies process the experience may differ, but the very real emotions that coincide with being human are alike. Disappointment. Anger.. Confusion. Wonder. Contemplation. Joy. And a million nuances in between.

So, DoubleVision friends, the next time you feel alone in your shame or blame or pain, picture the birthday line and feel the connection that ripples through shared humanity. No, it won’t solve your struggle, but there is a softening that occurs when we remember our common humanity.

“Sitting Pretty” – Recovery of My Backbone

I’m finally on summer break, after a long school year during an even longer year, and I return to writing as one returns to an old, neglected friendship. A little timid and sheepish with guilt over the time spent away mingled with the eagerness that only hope and steadfast trust can produce.

I’m playing hooky from the virtual yoga teacher training Jenelle and I are taking together to spend a little time with doublevisionblog this morning because I feel like I have things to say. My thoughts and words feel like they are awakening from a COVID coma, as I strain hard to strengthen their atrophied state, stretching and breathing through the discomfort.

But I’m not alone. My physical therapists come in the form of books, other writer’s stories reminding me of my own, and I read them with the voraciousness of someone who hasn’t eaten in many months. Yes, I’ve read books over the past year for book club and lots of words for work, but there’s something other-worldly that occurs when you get fully lost in a book, and time itself bends , unaware whether 8 or 18 hours have passed as the words pour over you in waves of recognition. In the first 2 weeks of my summer break, my family and I have travelled to 4 states, and I’ve finished 4 books, one for each state, each one aiding in the recovery of a different part of myself.

The first book I finished, “Sitting Pretty: The view From My Ordinary, Resilient Disabled Body” aided me in reclamation of my backbone.

This memoir is a NYT bestseller written by a disability advocate living with paralysis. The book was actually recommended by a good friend from the “Daring Sisters” retreats Jenelle and I have attended and is written by her cousin, Rebecca Taussig. It is a collection of essays about her experiences growing up with a disability and the complications of kindness and charity, intimacy and ableism. If these sound like heavy, somewhat-depressing topics that aren’t exactly light summer reading, that is half true. As I read Rebecca’s words, I grappled alongside her over the complexities of living in a body “that has been sent to the margins”, as she writes in her dedication. And yet her coming-of-age stories with references to 80s and 90s teen girl icons like Christy Turlington and teen magazines weave in a lightness that had me nodding, smiling and chuckling to myself at times.

Continue reading ““Sitting Pretty” – Recovery of My Backbone” →

Blind Motherhood

As a mother, I am guilty of comparing myself to other mothers, and sometimes judgement follows.  Sometimes it is judgement towards myself (Why can’t I be more patient with my kids like that other mother at the park?), and sometimes my judgement is directed towards another mom (Wow, she sure lets her kids run the show!) But when I’m in a good healthy state of mind, I focus on learning from the mothers around me.  I observe their empathetic language and attempt to use that same tone when my child is having a meltdown rather than fueling the tantrum with my own frustration.  I observe how they put away their cell phones, and get down in the sand to build a sand castle with their child at the beach, and I feel encouraged to fully engage with my own children.

Most recently, I’ve been learning some amazing lessons about motherhood from a fellow blogger, Holly Bonner, author of “Blind Motherhood”.  I’ve gleaned so much from this honest, witty, unstoppable mama, and knew instantly that our readers would want to meet her, too.  If you haven’t met before, I’m pleased to introduce you to Holly Bonner.

Blind Motherhood by Holly Bonner

Welcome to Blindmotherhood.com! I’m Holly Bonner, a 36 year old, wife, mother and social worker! After completing chemotherapy for breast cancer in 2012, I became legally blind from a neurological condition. Thrust into a much darker world, I went from the role of social work practitioner to the part of disabled client in need of services. With months of training in technology, mobility and ADL (adult daily living) skills; I finally began to feel like I could confidently rejoin the land of the living with my trusty white cane by my side. Then, what doctors had said was impossible happened, I got pregnant! Doctors….LOL! What do they know, right? Continue reading “Blind Motherhood” →

Here We Go Marching: Guest Post by Amy Bovaird

Last week, I reviewed Mobility Matters by Amy Bovaird.  This week, I am pleased to introduce a guest post by Ms. Bovaird, in which she takes a trip down memory lane to describe how night blindness led her into a very unique situation.  

With a quick wave to my housemate, I stepped out of the car. Early commuters sat on the bench under the flickering streetlights with the transit map behind them. Someone pointed and the bus lumbered into view. They fell into line just as the door opened. Hoisting my teaching bag over my shoulder, I showed the driver my pass and took a seat. Ingram Park Mall became smaller and disappeared altogether as the bus turned toward Loop 410. I settled in for the ride. My stop was last—Lackland Air Force Base. Continue reading “Here We Go Marching: Guest Post by Amy Bovaird” →

Book Review: For The Benefit of Those Who See

It was a bleak Seattle winter morning several years ago, and I shivered as I climbed into the yellow taxi cab.  I was dreading my appointment at the WA Department of Services for the Blind (DSB) for many reasons, but I had finally decided to see what kind of services might be helpful to me.  They had sent me a voucher for the taxi ride, so that transportation to DSB would be direct and free.

I handed the voucher to the cab driver, and noticed him eyeing me suspiciously in the rear view mirror.  I glanced down at the time on my phone to make sure I would be to my appointment on time.  When I looked back up, I saw that he was once again glancing at me in the rear view mirror.

I instructed myself to stop being paranoid, and focused on checking Facebook updates on my phone for the remainder of the ride.  As the driver pulled into the DSB parking lot, he asked in a thick Indian accent, “So, are you blind?”

I wasn’t expecting his question, so I paused briefly before saying, “Um…yes, I have a rare eye disease that is causing me to lose my sight.”

He did not say anything back to me, but shook his head from side to side, and made a “tisk, tisk tisk” sound, like he was tapping his tongue on the roof of his mouth.  I instantly felt my face flush with embarrassment.  I wasn’t sure if he was pitying me or shaming me.  I was relieved to step out of the taxi and out of the driver’s seemingly judgmental presence.  I didn’t give the incident further thought until recently when I read For the Benefit of Those Who See: Dispatches from the World of the Blind. Continue reading “Book Review: For The Benefit of Those Who See” →

Will the Real Blind Person Look at Me? (guest post)

I met Amy via an online Retinitis Pigmentosa support group, and we instantly connected.  Reading this post, I think you’ll see why!  She writes an awesome blog and has a memoir that I’m looking forward to reading.  This is one of my favorite posts because it discusses the spectrum of blindness and how many people with vision loss do not appear so.

 

By Amy L. Bovaird

Real-Blind-Person-1024x1024Look at the picture. Who would you guess the blind one is?

You might think it’s the second photo because there is a little part of a cane sticking up. The truth is … each one of us in the photo is blind.

Blindness can’t be measured on a set of scales with a needle, one pointing to BLIND and the other SIGHTED. Yet, it’s often believed that it’s like that. Either you can see or you can’t. So when onlookers see an individual using a white cane, many times the thought that accompanies it is, “that person can’t see anything.”

But then the same blind person looks at a watch, checks messages on a cell phone, looks both ways when crossing the street, makes eye contact with the onlooker, orders off a table menu, walks around a number of barriers while dragging the cane behind, or simply smiles at him or herself in a mirror.

You can see! You’re faking it. You just want attention. You must want a free bus pass. You’re playing tricks. Snea-ky!  Hey, look this way. And the most famous response is … But you don’t LOOK blind!

People have often voiced these thoughts aloud to me – much later, of course when they can laugh at their misconceptions. Sometimes strangers even voice these thoughts out loud. While it might seem strange, some vision-impaired people may unconsciously follow these same fallacies. I don’t look blind. AM I faking it? Are people going to think I am? I struggled with it certainly. That’s one reason it is so hard to pick up a cane and use it.

Those who are not familiar with blindness often have a certain idea in their minds of what a blind person looks like. When I ask them what that is, their response might be, “Someone with thick glasses.”  The answers vary; sometimes silence follows.

The truth is, you can’t tell if someone is blind by looking.

I’ve had people try to “catch” me by snapping their fingers quickly to see if I notice the movement. It’s equivalent to “Look at me! Gotcha!”

I wonder why people want to catch us. What’s in it for them?

When I trained in Orientation and Mobility, I learned that “blindness” encompasses a whole continuum of varying degrees of sight to no sight. A lot of people are visually-impaired and no one even knows their struggle because they have enough vision to get around without a cane or a guide dog. But the struggle is real.

Yes, some people can make eye contact. Some can’t.

Some can look you straight in the eye one moment then turn around and spill a large glass of water the next. There’s a gap in their peripheral, or side, vision. Some can see where you’re standing, but not your hands. So you go to shake a hand and the person stands there unaware. “What a snob,” the thought is. Another gap.

In Erie, Pennsylvania, where I live, there are about 290,000 citizens. 15 % of those people are legally blind. That means there are about 43,500 people who cannot see what a typical person should be able to see. That’s a lot of people!

I never minded people thinking I was clumsy or air-headed. It was an easy blame. It was much harder to admit I couldn’t see. Maybe you know someone who is having some struggles. Maybe it’s his or her vision. Be kind. And if you see someone with a cane, don’t “test” them. Don’t “wonder.” It’s hard to pick up a cane, believe me.  If I wanted attention or a free bus pass, I could solve that in other ways.

Today’s truth: blindness is a continuum with a large span between legally blind and completely blind. There is no one look to being blind. – you can tweet this.

Do you know anyone who is visually-impaired or blind? If you could ask them one question about their vision, what would it be?

Amy3-4Bio

Amy Bovaird is an educator, an inspirational speaker and author of the bestselling memoir, Mobility Matters: Stepping Out in Faith. Although Amy suffers from a dual —progressive vision and hearing loss—she continues to enjoy running, hiking and traveling. She also supports local and national animal rescue organizations. Amy blogs about international travel and the challenges she faces as she loses more vision and hearing. But more importantly, she shares the lessons God reveals to her through her difficulties. You can read about her experiences at http://amybovaird.com
Other ways to connect with Amy:

Facebook page

Author Facebook page

Amazon kindle, paperback and Large Print

Signed copy of book

Audio sample (book coming soon!)

Word Choice

BAM! Not only is October Blindness Awareness Month, but it is also Disability Awareness Month.  Below is a post written by Susan, author of Adventures in Low Vision, who kindly agreed to let us share this brilliant post on our blog this month.  

I was playing with my cat as a kid still in single digits on the kitchen floor. Twenty minutes passed. He decided he wanted to play elsewhere. The orange tabby was not quite fast enough. I scooped him up, looked at his face and called him a silly bastard.

Mom heard me. She was quick to admonish me by asking, “Do you know what that means?” I bet my ears turned red. My embarrassment grew when, as parents do, she gave the word’s definition. I stopped calling the cat a bastard.

Words have meaning. Handicapped. Crippled. The R word. Blind. Visually impaired. A person with a disability. Where do words and phrases like these come from?  Check out the etymology of handicapped and see if you still want to refer to people with disabilities as handicapped. Continue reading “Word Choice” →

Book Review: “Now I See You”

“You’ve got to read the book I just finished,” I heard Joy telling my voicemail.  This was not an uncommon message for her to leave.  Recommending the latest and greatest books to each other has been happening since our “Sweet Valley Twins” days.

But what she said next sparked my interest a little more than usual.

“The author is a mom about our age who wrote a memoir about her life and she has RP just like us.  She actually sounds like someone we would be friends with.”

I instantly knew she meant that we would be friends with her because of her personality, not her RP.  I uploaded the book from Audible a few minutes later, and began the journey into Nicole C. Kear’s memoir “Now I See You”. Continue reading “Book Review: “Now I See You”” →

Take Inspiration: Blind Architect on TED Talks

As we head in to the New Year, I would like to dell out some encouragement to help our readers welcome a strong and hopeful 2014.
Blind Architect, Chris Cowney, gave this incredible TED talk on designing cities with the blind in mind, and how this not only benefits the blind but also offers major advantages for the cities themselves.

Chris Downey: Design with the blind in mind

What would a city designed for the blind be like? Chris Downey is an architect who went suddenly blind in 2008; he contrasts life in his beloved San Francisco before and after -- and shows how the thoughtful designs that enhance his life now might actually make everyone's life better, sighted or not.

My favorite take-aways from this talk are:

Continue reading “Take Inspiration: Blind Architect on TED Talks” →

Saying Goodbye to My Grandma Jean the Queen

The call came at 3am Wednesday. Grandma is dying. She probably won’t make it through the night. If you want to say your final goodbye, you should come.

The lights at grandma’s house were dim when we arrived, and the air was heavy. Short, labored breaths rattled out of her lungs, sounding like a child with croup. She lay tucked under blankets in a hospital bed in the middle of her living room; my cousin leaning over her, inserting morphine tablets under her tongue to keep her comfortable.

Being on hospice for the past week, the call had not been entirely surprising, though she had been so alert and responsive the prior few days that we had thought it might be weeks until the end.  But here we were, in the middle of the night, beginning our final farewells.  Some family members sat perched on the queen-sized bed near her hospital bed, while others lingered on the couch in the adjoining family room, taking turns leaning over her and whispering words of love and gratitude. Continue reading “Saying Goodbye to My Grandma Jean the Queen” →