BAM! If there’s one thing Joy and I LOVE to do, it’s LAUGH.  Sometimes we need reminders not to take ourselves too seriously, and that’s why we love this post by Lori Linna! 

Wow, what an honor it is to be invited to post here in Doublevisionblog. My name is Lori Linna, I live in Wisconsin with my husband, two children and a crazy dog. The following is very similar to a post I did elsewhere and was asked to share it in honor of Blindness Awareness Month.  For the record, I have RP as well as a hearing loss.

Stand-up comedian Jeff Foxworthy is known for his redneck jokes. One of my favorites goes something like this, “If your lawn furniture is also your living room furniture, you might be a redneck. “

It occurred to me a similar comedy routine could be used for those of us who have poor eyesight. While being blind is not funny, some of the situations we find ourselves in are easier to tolerate if we can find some humor in them. For the purpose of today’s post, I will use the term ‘low vision’ in place of the word redneck.

Envision yours truly holding a white cane and wearing dark sunglasses while standing up on a small stage with a microphone. I may or may not be facing the audience but that’s fine, just play along, okay?

First I ask anyone sight impaired to please raise their hand. This, of course, does me no good but will hopefully cause a few chuckles from those who get the joke. Then I will respond by saying, “In case you aren’t sure if you have low vision, allow me to suggest a few scenarios to help you with your decision.”

  • If you go to church with your family and accidentally go home with a different family, you might have low vision. (We Lutherans are far too polite to suggest to someone he or she is in the wrong car.)
  • If you find yourself stopping to talk to a small child only to discover you are speaking to a fire hydrant, you probably have low vision.
  • If you are in a restaurant and your husband asks what you were doing in the men’s room, you might have low vision.
  • While shopping at a department store you ask the lady standing next to you if they carry a shoe in your size and find out she’s your mother, the woman you came with, you might have low vision.
  • If you replace the belt on your vacuum cleaner every time you use it because you are forever sucking up items not meant to be swallowed by a vacuum, you might have low vision.
  • If you come home from a walk and suddenly discover you are in your neighbor’s house, you might have low vision.
  • If you cheer and clap loudly because a touchdown was scored only to be told you are cheering for the wrong team, you probably have low vision. (The fact that you are the only person cheering is a big hint.)
  • If you look over your son’s grade school pictures and realize those haircuts you gave him to save money all those years really do look terrible, you might have low vision.
  • You might have low vision if you ask someone how they are doing in an attempt to be more social at a party and they respond, “For the third time, I’m fine!”
  • If you reach over and start rubbing the dog’s belly but find out it’s the furry pillow your daughter left on the couch, you might have low vision.
  • If you wear a football helmet while housecleaning because you constantly bump your head on a counter top or the back of a chair bending down to pick something up, you probably have low vision.
  • And, finally, if you can get around your house better than anyone else during a blackout, you might have low vision.

    Thanks for coming and good night! By the way, can anyone give me a ride home?

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7 thoughts on “You Might Have Low Vision IF…(guest post by Lori Linna)

  1. This is so funny, Lori. I couldn’t stop laughing at the small child fire hydrant one…. I’ve talked to way too many inanimate objects over the years! Awesome job! You should do stand up for real!

  2. I have one to add that just happened: If you reach over to press the crosswalk button at the corner and feel the crosswalk pole start to move and realize you were pressing a man’s arm, you might have low vision!

  3. You might have low vision if…. You have ever walked past a manikin and either a) been totally startled and possibly terrified by the presence of another human being RIGHT there or b) apologized out loud for bumping into what turned out to be a manikin. Yeah. I’ve done that. More times than I’d like to admit!!

  4. I am seriously cracking up at your additions, Joy and Nicole! I read them out loud to my husband, who does not have low vision, and he was like “I’ve totally apologized to a mannaquin before! Those things come out of nowhere!” LOL

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